Dorothy-June Fraser did all this stuff


So, my predictions of rain and all the other glorious and unique qualities of the Vancouver winter season weren't quite right, perfect….uhm….correct.
Honestly, though it is coming. But I suppose this is a good time to address the question of global warming. The other day I learned that about two billion tonnes of ice is melting off Greenland every year. Now, that's scarier than Halloween.
But, hey!
Halloween!
What are you doing for this yearly spooktastic fest? My roommate and I were having a conversation about Halloween through the ages. Not history…just childhood, adolescence and grown-upness. Funny how when we were kids, we ate so much candy we got sick, and now it's replaced by vodka, beer, whatever your poison. And then it turns into this:

Or, alternately, a different sort of costume (mine shown here after a certain special lady character off the sadly-defunct TV series, Arrested Development):


I myself have been struggling with the idea of giving out candy or not. Money is factored in here, and I am (unfortunately for the neighbourhood children) leaning towards giving out raisins and nuts. Have I become that person? Flaming bags of poop for me, if so.
I remember Halloween, uhmmmmm, '96?
Trevor Linden lived close to me, and he gave out raisins. So, if the NHL can do it, why not me?
In case you're wondering, we used the raisins for fighting with. You know, those little boxes can really hurt. This year, I believe I will spend the night hiding in my house, maybe wearing a pair of fairy wings and drinking Pabst. Maybe not.
Of course, there have been the regular events that people with real lives have gone to over the past weekend, including spooky shows and costume parties and the whatnot. Is Halloween really an adult holiday or is it for children? Do we, as adults, not get the pleasure of pretending once more? I think we should outlaw this whole kids having fun on Halloween. Maybe instead, they should be giving out travel-size bottles of vodka and whiskey and we should get to pretend, take ourselves out of skin and maybe get a chance to pretend we ARE super, or royal or whatever. Just one night. I remember when I was little, asking my parents why there was a Mothers Day and a Fathers Day, but no Kids Day.
"Because EVERY day is Kids day."
That was the slightly annoyed answer I got.
And it's true.
So, shall we reclaim Halloween from these tiny people in cute costumes?
Yes. Wage war against children for the right to pretend. They can fight back. In fact, there is a historical incident to support my claim…aka The Children's Crusade. And I don't mean this in the Kurt Vonnegut, jr. way. They fought for the right to be brainwashed and what-have-you.
Then again, that was what, the 12th century? And things have changed, what with the advent of everything the past 900 years. Maybe that's an outdated mode of operation.
So, kids have Halloween, like every other holiday.
Bah, Humbug. Ooops.
Wrong day.
Bah, MuhAHahahaHAHAHaaaaaaa.

HAPPY HALLLOWEEN KIDDOS!